I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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