Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
