I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
