She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
