I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my being single is dangerous.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
