I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
