I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
