Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
