I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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