I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
