I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
