just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
