So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
