I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
