Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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