I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
