Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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