every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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