i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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