so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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