Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
