weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
