I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
