I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
