Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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