yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
