My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
thus making me awesome and them whores
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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