There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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