I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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