so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
