he wants to bone in the snuggie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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