I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Four minutes until I can fart!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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