I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
