My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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