Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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