went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You ruined the universe
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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