dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
