I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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