Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
