need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
