Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
