I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
