just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
