Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
