Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
