If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
