you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The uberlube is also flammable
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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