You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize