I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
