Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
