i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
