He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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