i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
