I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
