I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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