fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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