I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
