I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
