It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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