he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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