really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
