I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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