He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
They have beer where we have blood.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
