And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
