It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
