Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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