i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
