what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Randomize
