some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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