walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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