covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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