Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best revenge is premature balding
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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Drunk is not a location!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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