Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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