what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
