Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
