So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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