You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
