Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
