Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
