wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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