At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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