The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
