I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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