Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize