my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
