She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
